the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
