Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
