Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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