You can't motorboat a personality
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
