she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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