I'm eating all of the evidence.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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