your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me