you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer