fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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