3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
