its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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