I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
