Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
