Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
