Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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