Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
