I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
