and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
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I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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