she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
