We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
handjob tips. give me some.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
