I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
