turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize