direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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