It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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