I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
