umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
