Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
