he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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