I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
