when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
