But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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