my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
