Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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