Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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