So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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