I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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