His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
