They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
