I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
