it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
