guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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