just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
