there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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