the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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