All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
