I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
