Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
