I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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