Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
