as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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