I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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