Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.