To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?