so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age