I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
