My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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