I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
