If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
