My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
