If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
