Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
