I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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