loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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