you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize