Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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