We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Randomize
