I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize