i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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