I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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