I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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