You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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