college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
