i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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