Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
