I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
