Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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