Did you just see the Batmobile???
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
